美國生活點滴-35【家庭悲劇原因之探討】

美國生活點滴-35【家庭悲劇原因之探討】

Family Tragedy (2)-

Facts: (發生的事實)

There happened a tragedy in the family of new immigrants from China in 2019 in California. In the tragedy, the grandfather killed his daughter-in-law in the very presence of the whole family and then committed suicide in a prison in Ca. In the small family, lives of two members, belonging to different generations suddenly are lost. Now let’s take a look into what really caused this incident. Who shall take responsibility for what happened?

Analysis:(原因的分析)

1)     I think of the reasons why the old couple left China for a new retirement life in the US. Family reunion can be the most justifiable reason of all. But it is regrettable the retiree should not have mentally prepared for a new life before their decision to join young couple- their son, daughter-in-law and grand kids in the US. They took it for granted that they showed much affection for their only son and would definitely expect to receive something in return. But they were neglecting something about different countries, cultures, and social benefit systems. Especially, the difference in culture gave rise to severe conflicts between their daughter-in-law and themselves without their knowledge. In America, it is an obligation to raise children before their becoming adults. While it is not children’s duty to support their parents when parents are getting old. Rather, it is government’s duty to take care of senior citizens. 

2)     The younger generation, the son and his wife are also to blame for this tragedy. They received their parents’ pension and helped them buy a new house for the family. Besides, they used the portion of the parents’ pension to make some investment in the US. As everyone knows, it is hardly possible for a new generation to start up by purchasing a new single-family house. Without parents’ assistance, they would not have been able to do so. However, they forgot to make reasonable arrangements for their parents, coming to live with them to accommodate themselves to a new living style and circumstance.  They forgot to help parents to seek financial assistance from social benefit organizations, such as Social Security. Besides, they forgot to arrange reasonable ways for their parents’ spiritual life in an exotic country where they had trouble with different social systems, and culture. 

3)     Most of the Chinese people do not have any freedom of religion after Cultural Revolution in 1970s. They were accordingly more vulnerable to some spiritual sufferings. They are lonely, helpless when they are encountered with difficulty, or unconquerable mental problems, let alone language barriers……Sometimes, they find it hard to find an outlet for their emotional and psychological stress.

4)     Young and new immigrants merging into new American way of living can easily forget how they were educated, such as paying respect to their elders. The so-called Oriental filial piety is easily forgotten. For example, a very renowned medical doctor from Taiwan, named 杜聰明博士(前高雄醫學大學校長)once complained to his students in the States, that his only son passed away (ironic comment) after he came from Taiwan to visit him. At the end of the one-week visit, his daughter-in-law brought to him a list of meals, which charged him a few hundred dollars. Without a word, Dr. Tu paid in full all the meals listed.  Of course, he felt very upset about this. It is our common understanding that Dr. Tu’s son and daughter-in-law came of a well-to-do and well-educated family. However, they should have treated their father in a very unkind or Americanized way or even more Americanized! How do you like it! 

Other kinds of unfortunate or incidents, not necessarily similar, but including the following:

Besides homicides, there are some other kinds of tragic incidents happening to some immigrants’ families, such as parents forced to live in assisted nursing homes, parents evicted from the houses which belonged to them, but then whose deeds are quit-claimed to children by themselves. There is a Taiwanese saying which goes -「飼子無論，飼父算頓」-“Regardless of how much they spend to feed children; in return grown-up children do care about how many meals a day provided to parents. “(to be continued) 

Justin Lai 寫於美國

07/12/2020